Bite-Sized

*Note: This is merely for entertainment purposes. I do not endorse any one technology company over another.

"Couldn't it have fallen off?"
"In the shape of a bite?"

For some reason, Rob quickened his pace as he walked home from school. He had a really strange feeling, like something major was going on his home. As he rounded the corner, his instincts were confirmed - three white vans were parked outside of his shack of home, their shiny exteriors looking completely out of place in his drab, overgrown neighborhood.

He rushed in the front door and found his mom surrounded by many men completely outfitted in black, along with a camera crew and sound equipment. "Mom, what's going on? Are you okay? Did something happen to    Daffodil?" Daffodil was the puppy he rescued less than a month ago, and already he loved her more than anything in the world.

His mother laughed, putting Rob at ease."No, no nothing like that! But look! We won!"
Rob was puzzled. "What are you talking about? What did we win?"
One of the men in black turned around in that instant and exclaimed: "Onnnneeee MILLION DOLLLLLLAAAAAARS!" in a dramatic announcer voice. In a smaller voice he added, "before taxes and fees."

Rob was stunned for a second, then realized what that meant.A million thoughts swam around his head. He, his mother and Daffodil would get to move into that nice neighborhood across the street. He would get to go out whenever he pleased, rather than playing board games all the time. And best of all, he could finally have all the art supplies he ever wanted, and more.

After taxes, he, his mom and Daffodil were left with a little over $660,000, which was more than enough to please them. He bought himself bounties of art supplies, and practiced his drawing skills every day.

One day, he grabbed an apple from his new large, stainless steel refrigerator. He was about to eat it, when the telephone rang.and he ran to get the new cordless phone in the next room. It was his best friend Steve. After the initial greetings, Rob took the phone into the kitchen to grab the apple he had left on the counter. However, to his surprise, a piece was no longer there! His sharp intake of breath was audible over the phone, and Steve asked what was wrong.

"It's just that...a few minutes ago, I took out a perfect apple, and now there's a huge piece missing! I think my dog ate a piece!"
"Couldn't it have fallen off? I doubt you dog would have taken the apple off of the counter, bitten into it, and then replaced it."
"In the shape of a bite?" I retorted back, skeptically.
"Well, I don't know!" Steve said, a bit hurt. "Send me a picture of it, and maybe we can figure it out together.
"I know! I'll draw you a picture! I just got new art supplies. I'll talk to you later, okay?"
"Sure. See ya later."

I pressed the "off" button on the phone and raced up to my art studio to get some supplies. I sat at that counter for hours, trying to perfect the picture, and I must say, it turned out pretty well. After I was finished, I  went over to Steve's house, and he seemed really impressed by my drawing.

"You know, Rob, I might just use this one day." And he sure did (although he did modify it a bit to appear less three dimensional).

Binder Full of Women

Disclaimer: This blog is merely for entertainment purposes. Although this is pulled from the presidential debate, I am not expressing my political views or endorsing any one candidate. This time, I am creating an entirely new scenario based on that one line rather than formulating a scenario based on fact.

"They brought us binders full of women."

The mad scientist cross the street, his face crinkled and his eyebrows furrowed. Behind his eyes you could see gears turning and wheels moving; he was up to something. He was so deep in thought that he didn't notice the car zooming across the pedestrian walkway. From across two streets, I could hear a high-pitched screech and the sound of metal on flesh.

* * *

That man was my father. He and the driver were held in the hospital for two full weeks before anyone, even me, could see them. My father recounted his scary story to us:

"It was terrible. I saw flashes of lights-white lights, green lights, red lights-I felt as though I were in the midst of a duel in Harry Potter. Then there was nothing. Only darkness. Some time later, I awoke in the hospital, but I didn't know it was a hospital. I didn't know anything, not even my own name. The world (I didn't know it was called that either) was so foreign and strange to me. The doctors (that's what they called themselves) were baffled by my state. They also figured out that the driver had suffered from the same sort of injury.
In order to try to jog our memories, they brought us binders full of women that had similar facial features to us, so that we could try to identify our mothers. The connection we make with our mothers is very strong, so they hoped those pictures would jog our memories. Nothing worked. Eventually, the doctors gave us and let us be. Together, the driver and I learned words together, and could converse minimally."

"But wait-" the youngest interjected. "-how come you can remember everything now?"

"Ah, I was getting to that," my father replied. "After they did some thorough investigation around the site of the accident, the investigators found something peculiar - what seemed like a glob of jelly. They picked it up and rolled it around in their hands, and the glob of jelly seemed to be sucking something from their hands, they just weren't sure what. So they brought it down to the lab, and analyzed, and couldn't figure out what it was still.
They then gave us the globs of jelly (they had found a second one not far by) and asked us if they belonged to us. Of course, we couldn't remember, so we just shrugged and took them anyway. I put it on my nightstand, and fell asleep.
In the morning when I woke up, my ear felt sticky. Then I realized - I knew what an ear was! I touched it, and I realized I knew what the sensation was - stickiness! I saw that someone my head had come in contact with the glob of jelly, only now it seemed like the jelly disappeared - inside my ear. How strange, I thought."

"So what was that stuff?" The youngest asked, literally sitting on the edge of his seat.

"After much experimenting and deliberation, the doctors determined that it was - wait for it - my memory! My entire memory was contained in that little piece of jelly. They figure it must have fallen out when I was hit by the car. I was able to form new memories in the hospital, though, because the memory gloop is always in my brain, and it just keeps on growing."

"Wow!" We all said, in fascination.

***
Looking back to that day, 30 years ago, it seems so silly that the doctors thought memory was an abstract concept, and you couldn't touch your memories. It's scary to think there was no way to alter memories back then. What an unpleasant thought!

This is our memory

A Bag for That

"Do you have a bag for it?"

Victor hurriedly walked away from the site, panicked paranoia causing his fists to clench and his brow to sweat. It wasn't his fault, he just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. He hurriedly dialed Patrick's number, and arranged a rendezvous with him in that moment, in the library.

Patrick would believe him. Patrick always believed him. Victor was an unlucky fellow; he had the opposite effect of Midas' touch-everywhere he went, something was broken, stolen, and in one case, dropped from a hot-air balloon (but that's a whole other story). Each and every time, Victor would go to Patrick, and Patrick would make it better.

***

Patrick and Victor settled down into the big comfy armchairs and Patrick proceeded with the usual question-and-answer session:
"Was it your fault?"
"No."
"Was it someone else's fault?"
"I don't know."
"Did something break?"
"Well...one might say that."
"Was something physically injured?"
"Well...one might say that."
"Where were you when this 'something' happened"?
"At the time of the happening?
"Yes."
"I don't know."
"What do you mean you don't know?"
"When I got there...it had already happened."
"What had already happened?"
"I don't know."
"So, when you came across the something, what had happened to it?"
"It looked like an inanimate object."
"Is that object usually inanimate?"
"No."
"So you found something dead?"
"Yeah, so I was also wondering, do you have a bag for it?"
"You want a body bag?"
"I guess you could call it that."
"Victor, did you find a dead body?"
"I did."
"Well, do you know who it was?"
"Well, I'm not entirely familiar with all the creatures of the forest, but I think it was Sam the ant."
"Whose aunt?"
"I don't know."
"Oh, so you're not familiar with the family tree?"
"Well, I think it was the elm tree."
"Oh, the Elm family? What a tragedy for them."
"Yeah, that whole tree is just falling apart, rotting and everything. It's entirely the fault of the outsiders they let into that tree."
"I agree. So, anyway, you found this dead body?"
"Yeah, it was just laying there, all crumpled up."
"And, why do you need a body bag?"
"So I can give the body a proper funeral."
"But shouldn't the police handle a dead body in the forest?"
"I don't really want to bother the police with this."
"Why? You have nothing to cover up."
"I know, it's just that I want to handle it. The body is very delicate."
"Victor, that is a dead human being. The police need to know about it."

Victor looked astonished, but then began to chuckle.

"You thought I was talking about a human body?"
"Yes...what were you talking about?"
"An ant, like the insect? Didn't I say that? You need to listen better."
"Oh...you did. I guess I just misunderstood. But wait - you called me in hysterics. You mean to tell me I abandoned my crossword puzzle and steaming cup of coffee to help you deal with a dead ANT?"
"This was a big deal to me."

You see, Victor also had a tendency to make mountains out of anthills.

A Mushy Woman

"Yeah, really! She wasn't mushy today."

Walking through the mall is such an invigorating experience. The shops, the food, and of course, the people are all so diverse. It is amazing what one can hear by just walking, not even eavesdropping. The particular line I heard came from a woman talking on a cell phone, while pushing a wheelchair with an elderly woman in it. Here, like in every successive post, I will elaborate on the scene and insert my own details in order for that one line I heard to make sense.

The woman, let's call her Joan, was in her mid-40s. She was pushing her mother, an elderly lady, in a wheelchair, and had a hard time navigating between the crowds of people. Joan was a teacher, and this was going to be the last day spent with her mother, as school was starting soon. Lately, her mother was having periods of insanity, in which she would become an entirely different person, someone who was very emotional and open, not stiff, stubborn or stoic like her usual demeanor. At that moment, she was in her normal state - she refused to walk and that was why she was being pushed around in a wheelchair. She didn't particularly like the mall; in fact, she was strongly opposed to chain stores and had a strong aversion to fluorescent lights, but it was raining outside, and Joan couldn't think of anything else to do on their last day together. 

Joan was talking on her cell phone, to her husband Tom. The beginning of their conversation probably went something like this:
*Ring, ring* *Ring, ring* *Ring, ring* Ring, ring*
Tom answers, out of breath: "Hi honey, sorry, I had to run to my phone. Where are you?"
"At the mall, with Mom"
"Oh, that's nice, I hope she's having a good time there."
"Yeah, she is. She's sane today."
"Really? What a surprise." 
"Yeah, really! She wasn't mushy today."
"Well that's good. I hope you too have a wonderful time. Bye"

Although Joan didn't want to admit it, she hated when her mother became all mushy-gushy and lovey-dovey. She preferred the strong, silent woman who had raised her, and was worried that those periods of sanity would become shorter and shorter until her mother became a completely different person. Joan shuddered at the thought, and continued pushing her mother, pretending to be upset that her mother was so stubborn.